I have survived.

It is December 16, 2011, and this morning I turned in my senior thesis. Twenty pages. I still can't believe it's finally over. Not only that, but the first half(and my only fall semester at King's)of my senior year is over. I am feeling really melancholy right now. I am so glad that it's break! But as I am typing this, my dorm sisters and brothers are home in South Korea, Rwanda, China, Thailand, Japan, and Nigeria. And I am in Morristown. Well, at least until Sunday....thank goodness! Anyways, it just makes me realize the short amount of time I have with these people I love so much. I only have a few months left to witness to some people who I deeply care for, who are not yet saved. That kills me. Though a good thing is, in January I will officially be a student at King's for an entire year! Where has the time gone, seriously? Where has 2011 gone?! So many emotions are running through my head, and I just want to either scream, or cry.

I'm so tired because of finals, and so frustrated because I feel like a friendship and potential relationship is slipping through my fingers, and everything I'm trying to do to fix it is failing. It's a long story. Does he still like me? He wants to be friends, but does he still care about me? Everyone says that he does.....and I do too. But he doesn't share the same beliefs with me! He does not believe that Jesus is God's son, or that his dying on the cross and resurrection is our only way to heaven and a relationship with God. He believes that Alah and God are the same, and Jesus was just a prophet. He goes to mosque during break, he's read the Qu'ran, and his heritage is Muslim. There's got to be a reason God has allowed me to fall for him. Something good will come out of this....please Lord let story in my life have a happy ending! I don't know what I would do if I parted ways with him, and didn't know whether I would see him in heaven or not. Or if I would see him ever again...period. I have to keep telling myself that I have until May, so many people are praying for his salvation, and we ARE friends. I just miss it when he would IM me just to ask me how my day was. Or when we went camping with the dorm, we walked in the rain, and we didn't have to say anything to each other...we just enjoyed each other's company. I miss him. One day I will force myself to move on, but I still believe that there is hope. I can feel it. So I won't give up....yet.

As of today I am on Christmas break. Christmas is next Sunday. What the heck! I still can't believe it. Sometimes I wish I could just stop time. I know in my heart that every year I get older, and something about me changes. I'm not the same person I was last year. And next year, I probably won't be the person I am now. It's so weird. I look at pictures of myself and know they are me, and yet at the same time I don't recognize myself. I am grateful though of what I know now, and how much I have grown as a person. God has a plan for me, and I am trusting him in all of my decisions. So even though it's not 2012 yet, I'm already excited for the new year, and everything that's going to happen! But I'll save that sappy post for when this year is actually at it's final curtain call. :)

It's almost midnight...therefore I think I need to go to sleep. When I get really tired I get all deep and philosophical and stuff. :P So anyway.......Sunday I'm leaving to spend my break in Florida. This is the first Christmas I haven't been at home. It's so weird. I've just had this really weird feeling all semester. The fact that I live in three places makes me feel so stretched out, that I almost feel like I'm having an identity crisis sometimes. Wo bu jie dao.....ta bu tai hao. I'll be ok though. I only just push through! I pushed through my school, church, and violin Christmas concerts, I pushed through this semester, and I think I'll always be like that. We'll see. All I know now is that I need sleep, tomorrow I'm going to watch Sherlock Holmes II, and then go to Dollywood. It will be a good day.

mmm....goodnight world. Ta bu zi jian.....just goodbye for now. :)